Via: KXAN--

"Barnes reportedly pointed her gun at Gittel, and then fired the weapon five times as Gittel tried to run. Williamson County Sheriff's Office spokesperson John Foster said none of the bullets hit the census worker."

As many of you know I just wrapped up a stint scoring standardized tests. Part of this time was spent working on scoring 11th Grade Writing responses to the prompt, "Describe a time you felt independent." Stats I gathered from that project pointed at about 60% of the stories describing getting their driver's licence and/or first car/driving experience. Other popular topics included times spent alone/away from family, resisting peer pressure, getting a first job, and teen pregnancy. Most of these essays were poorly written, riddled with errors, and just plain boring. But enough were entertaining (intentionally or not) that I didn't go completely out of my brain.

Without further ado, I present the best of 11th grade written composition:

• "So I did what any hot 17 year old someone would have done, held my breath and batted my eyes at the first man in some sort of airways uniform, and asked for directions." 

• "He wore his pants above his belly button with a nice short sleve starch shirt that had four different colored pens, black,red, green, and black, and a mini ruler in his shirt pocket."

• "P.S: I saved the beef jerky."

• "After two years of teaching myself everything I know about golf..."

• "...I felt all alone, empty inside like a fat man with no McDonald's."

• "I will always remember, thogh, the night I felt most independent! The night I put my big girl panties on and stayed all by myself."

• "I was invincible as we made our way to Taco Bell."

• "But I, on the other hand, am different. I wear dark clothing and listen to black metal, basic adolescent rebellion." 

• "After I learned that turning [the wrench] right makes it tighter and that metal can bend I decided to turn it left and it finally came off."

• "At the moment I felt opaque. Nothing could penetrate me, and I could take on the world."

• "My mom was cooked food for me before I went to school."

• "...for a brief second the smell of pasta stood still."

• "Even after all the madness I've cerated, all the people I've fucked over, drugs I've done and fought to get off of it would still be a life well lived. Just to walk where I've walked... Hell on earth, heaven on earth; every bit of it was worth it. "Life and death. Energy and peace." GIA"

• "About two weeks went by and the divorce was final." [Ha!]

• "Today though, as I wait, biding my time for when my plans shall go into action, I sit in a room with thirty other people, all of whom will someday become either my rivals or my minions, but never my equal."

• "Ever since I first obtained my license I had a dream of going out to the river and spending the night alone with just me and my dirt bike."

• ""I continued to force my upper body to the floor. Although at the same time I could [hear] a ripping sound coming from the inside of my leg. I didn't pay it any mind."

• "Cause like I said once its only me and TAKS. My brother, the retard one, Passed it so my parents have much more confident in me."

• "It was like riding a bike, only bigger and with four wheels and if I crashed, I would probably die."

• "The semester dragged on like a cat with no legs."

• "Studys show that four out of ten people in the world are independent."

• "He told me the first thing I needed to do was get the Chucke Suit for this eight year old kid's birthday party. I wasn't worried about being in the suit, it was the eight year old kids that caught my eye."

• "From that day forward no one not even a bug could tell me that I was not independent."

• "I sat down nearly falling off the desk and was soon warmly welcomed with a bag of Fritos, yes I was just as confused as you are."

• "I was committed to getting those delicious meats in my belly so I decided to work for that store until I had enough money to buy my groceries."

• "I had to save myself from drowning in the powerful undertown of the former Joe's Crab Shack waterfall."

• "Therfor my mother is a widow, on top of that she;s a deaf-mute."

• "There was no questioning the bulk of the man in question..."

• "I feel good being independent. I have my own freedom I get to do what ever I wont well sometimes." [entire essay]

• "During my childhood life. Mysef began growing up at an old age at rapid speed."

• "Being independent is a way strong trait to have..."

• "The Bronx was not a joke, drive-bys, killings, rapes, and even discrimination."

• "And I made sure that I had the best of the best. I no longer had to ask my parents to take me places. So I gathered my keys, hopped in my new car, and went to Wal-Mart."

• "[on] the fifth day I realized that my... $3000 allowance was quickly drying up."

• "I was a classified independent and was never so proud."

• "They told me I couldn't go because I didn't have a passport and also because they needed a break from me which I couldn't tell if they were serious or not but I'm pretty sure they were."

• "I knew I could fanisize all I wanted, but it was never going to become a reality for me."

• "But I was lucky my mom sent for me. Because right after I leave the civil war started." -2003 Liberia, Monrovia

• "This test is probably the biggest test of all times. I mean bigger than Tiger Woods Cheating on his wife and going to rehab for it."

• "A time I fell independent was when I got pregnet at the age of 17 years old." [pregnet?]

• "Mason and I were hardworking best friends who had three loves in this world. Number one was money, which made the other two possible. Number two was our Honda Civics... Lets just say our number one helps us enhance our number two, and our number two helps us get number three, babes!"

• "Huddled around the starting line, like ants devouring a dead lizard, we all inhaled the smoke from the peelouts."

• "...You are told what to do by people you have never met, and you have no say in what you want to do. It almost feels like an auction for cattle, but you don't get made into0 hamburger."

• "I nodded my heart and excused myself from the table."

• "It would have taken three grown men and a crowbar to get that smile off my face."

• "Now boarding flight 1337 at gate 69!"

• "I was thinking oh my god: what am I going to do if I get loss in the airport or miss my fly."

• "You see, there WAS this guy that I was crazy about, and he was crazy about me, so I thought wrong, big deal! Right?"

• "I knew god had done something in me."

• "...it took my parents three months to notice that I was serious about working and making money, to take bacon home for the family."

• "...nothing was ever wrong with eating spugitie..."

• "I wanted to go over my friends house so I was getting dress so I can leave. I looked like a tomato. I take the keys when out the door. As I was locking the house. I see this silver with chocolate for it was ship like bird close when on land."

• "Tryna" = trying to

• "I could tell my mother and father had been discussing an issue due to the fact the television had been turned off. Which only happens when they do not [sic] feel they need to talk it over."

• "So the next day I turned sixteen, I was filling out so many job applications I felt like my grandma when she won't stop griping about her arthritis."

• After an hour or so I decided to just hit everything with a hammer and try to start it."

• "In a monster voice I heard, "The boy is gone, GWAR!"

• "I had to learn how to cook and fast, T.V. Dinners taste good only for so long."

• "Even then, I could recognize that face adults make when they're trying hard to be patient with children."

• "Delicately advancing from one end to the next on the less than five inch balance beam, I dominated my skills."

• "You have everything you need? Money, clothes, cellphone, pads?" My mother's voice followed me like a lost puppy as I did my last minute preparations."

• "I went into my high school years thinking that it was going to be like middle school only everyone is older and hairy..."

• "Because hija, you are too young to be working, and you are too young to work." He said."

• "..Independence is a quality that is needed through this rough time called life."

• "Being independent, chances are if you can't spell it, you haven't lived it."

• "...the river was running down stream, and the compass I found was pointing west..."

• "...most people are not fortunate to have a job."

• "As soon as the weekly check came in money was no longer an issue nor did it bring more problems, rest in peace Biggie."

• "Independence means to take care of thyself without the need of assistance. Parents do not always do things that bear us beatitude." My parents finally grew trite of my need to nag their ears off."

• "After six dreadful months of hearing , "you're going too fast" or, "you almost ran her over." I was finally able to get my license and drive alone."

• "On march 17, 2009, I found a job working for century 16, the movie theater. My first day maid me nervous, I was so scared to go in and work, finally I stepped into cum..."

Half way through the project I was reassigned to score 4th grade responses to the prompt, "Describe a time you found something." I enjoyed reading these 9 year olds essays much more than the 11th graders. The writing was about the same quality, and these kids were much more creative. I've not transcribed them, but you can read some of my favorites in the attached images.

Click for Full Size

Trying to sell a computer case on Craigslist, here is my post:

Make you HTPC fit in with the rest of your home entertainment equipment with this Fusion Black Veris case from Antec. Designed to match in color and size with your current equipment, this case will add new dimensions to your entertainment experience. The interior is split to minimize heat transfer between the system and the 430W PSU. Two side-mounted 120mm TriCool fans keep the air quietly moving and your system cool.

The front panel has an external bay for an optical drive with a matching cover to keep the lines smooth and a LCD so you can monitor system functions. Front panel jacks include 2 USB, 1 FireWire, 1 headphone and 1 microphone. A master volume control plus power and reset buttons complete the look.

Inside the case are two 3.5" hard drive bays with silicone grommets to minimize vibration and noise. There are also rubber strips and cushions throughout the case to eliminate rattle and other transient noises.

I built a HTPC in this case about a year ago, and only used it for a few months, it is in like-new condition, very sharp and clean.

Call or email with questions:
Gabe-
512-553-****
first with cash gets it

The following is a series of emails between a prospective buyer and myself:

From: Craigslister
To: Me

Is this still available?

From: Me
To: Craigslister

Yes

From: Craigslister
To: Me

Does this have a PSU?
Will you take $100 for it?

From: Me
To: Craigslister

It does have the PSU. I will sell it without the PSU for $100, otherwise price is firm.

From: Me
To: Craigslister
(an hour or so later)

I guess if you can pick it up tonight I would let it go for $110 including the PSU.

From: Craigslister
To: Me

Where do you live?
Can you plug it in and show me that everything works(the PSU, the volume control knob, the LCD)

From: Me
To: Craigslister

I live south, near stassney and 35. It is not built up right now, but everything was working 100% when I took it apart.

If you don't want to go that far south, I'm going to play Bike Polo tonight at Eastwoods Park (just n. Of campus off dean Keaton) I could bring it with me and meet you there

From: Craigslister
To: Me

Well I would like to see it working before I buy it, So if you can assemble it after your bike polo game, I can come by and see it.

From: Me
To: Craigslister

I sold all of the parts already, I have nothing to assemble. I assure you everything works.

From: Craigslister
To: Me

I cant make it tonight as I am working till late.
How about tomorrow?
I can bring my components in, if you don’t have yours,
I want to see how quite it is once it boots up, so I will not buy without making sure that everything works, sorry I have had bad luck on craigslist before, so don’t want to chance it.

From: Me
To: Craigslister

If you really want me to wait around while you build and configure a new system in my home then you'll have to compensate me for my time, say $15/hr?

This is a PC component, not a puppy dog. If you want a guarantee go to Fry's. Read some reviews if you want to see how quiet it is (I used it in my home theater, it is virtually silent).

I don't mean to be a dick, but The price was fair when I originally listed it for $140. I've discounted it significantly from that, and I should not have this much trouble.

I'm going to repost the listing when I get home in a few minutes, hopefully someone else will buy it and save us both a headache

---

Am I being unreasonable? Who does this guy think he is?

I recently read Jonathan Safran Foer's excellent 2002 novel Everything is Illuminated. [review]. The author reaches back to his great great great great great grandmother's miraculous birth to help uncover the story of his grandfather's escape from a Nazi occupied Ukrainian village. Foer explores the tradition of written history in Jewish culture in a variety of ways to tell the fictionalized tale of his ancestral shtetl. The villagers kept a collective written history and maintained it obsessively filling volumes with everything from important events to vain minutia. The tome, dubbed, "The Book of Antecedents" sounds very familiar as it is described.

The Book of Antecedents began as a record of major events: battles and treaties, famines, seismic occurrences, the beginnings and ends of political regimes. But it wasn't long before lesser events were included and described at great length --festivals, important marriages and deaths, records of construction in the shtetl (there was no destruction then) --and the rather small book had to be replaced with a three-volume set. Soon, upon the demand of the readership --which was everyone, Uprigher and Sloucher alike --The Book of Antecedents included a biennial census, with every name of every citizen and a brief chronicle of his or her life (women were included after the synagogue split), summaries of even less notable events, and commentaries on what the Venerable Rabbi had called LIFE, AND THE LIFE OF LIFE, which included definitions, parables, various rules and regulations for righteous living, and cute, if meaningless, sayings. The latter editions, now taking up an entire shelf, became yet more detailed, as citizens contributed family records, portraits, important documents and personal journals, until any schoolboy could easily find out what his grandfather ate for breakfast on a given Thursday fifty years before, or what his great-aunt did when the rain fell without lull for five months. The Book of Antecedents, once updated yearly, was now continually updated, and when there was nothing to report, the full-time committee would report its reporting, just to keep the book moving, expanding, becoming more like life: We are writing...We are writing...We are writing..."

I wonder if Mark Zuckerberg read Everything is Illuminated while developing Facebook at Harvard? Or perhaps Foer was inspired by the then recent success of Wikipedia? Either way it makes you wonder about the virtual book of Antecedents we're all creating.

The other day I clicked the, "Older Posts" button at the bottom of my Facebook wall until I had unrolled the scroll of my entire 4 year history on the site. Every important event and bit of vain minutia I ever cared to share laid out before me. In an attempt to capture this virtual time line of my life I tried a variety of browser plug-ins that save entire web pages as images. I crashed every program I tried. The pictures were too big, too much information for the programming to accommodate. The Bookcase now collapsed under the weight of my [Face]Book of Antecedents.

Knowing that my grandchildren really will be able to easily find out what I ate for breakfast on any given Thursday, (Breakfast Tacos) I wonder will they care? Should we take Foer's warning to heart? Is our impulse to document, organize, and share our lives; to approximate them for a future generation getting in the way of living them? If we spend too much time writing our story, will it even be worth reading?

Tuesdays @ 5 - Joslin Park

Thursdays @ 5:30 - Eastwoods Park

Sundays @ 3:30 Eastwoods Park

Video from camping/hiking trip in Organ, New Mexico 2/14/2010. Music by The Magnetic Fields