Kids Write The Darnedest Things

As many of you know I just wrapped up a stint scoring standardized tests. Part of this time was spent working on scoring 11th Grade Writing responses to the prompt, "Describe a time you felt independent." Stats I gathered from that project pointed at about 60% of the stories describing getting their driver's licence and/or first car/driving experience. Other popular topics included times spent alone/away from family, resisting peer pressure, getting a first job, and teen pregnancy. Most of these essays were poorly written, riddled with errors, and just plain boring. But enough were entertaining (intentionally or not) that I didn't go completely out of my brain.

Without further ado, I present the best of 11th grade written composition:

• "So I did what any hot 17 year old someone would have done, held my breath and batted my eyes at the first man in some sort of airways uniform, and asked for directions." 

• "He wore his pants above his belly button with a nice short sleve starch shirt that had four different colored pens, black,red, green, and black, and a mini ruler in his shirt pocket."

• "P.S: I saved the beef jerky."

• "After two years of teaching myself everything I know about golf..."

• "...I felt all alone, empty inside like a fat man with no McDonald's."

• "I will always remember, thogh, the night I felt most independent! The night I put my big girl panties on and stayed all by myself."

• "I was invincible as we made our way to Taco Bell."

• "But I, on the other hand, am different. I wear dark clothing and listen to black metal, basic adolescent rebellion." 

• "After I learned that turning [the wrench] right makes it tighter and that metal can bend I decided to turn it left and it finally came off."

• "At the moment I felt opaque. Nothing could penetrate me, and I could take on the world."

• "My mom was cooked food for me before I went to school."

• "...for a brief second the smell of pasta stood still."

• "Even after all the madness I've cerated, all the people I've fucked over, drugs I've done and fought to get off of it would still be a life well lived. Just to walk where I've walked... Hell on earth, heaven on earth; every bit of it was worth it. "Life and death. Energy and peace." GIA"

• "About two weeks went by and the divorce was final." [Ha!]

• "Today though, as I wait, biding my time for when my plans shall go into action, I sit in a room with thirty other people, all of whom will someday become either my rivals or my minions, but never my equal."

• "Ever since I first obtained my license I had a dream of going out to the river and spending the night alone with just me and my dirt bike."

• ""I continued to force my upper body to the floor. Although at the same time I could [hear] a ripping sound coming from the inside of my leg. I didn't pay it any mind."

• "Cause like I said once its only me and TAKS. My brother, the retard one, Passed it so my parents have much more confident in me."

• "It was like riding a bike, only bigger and with four wheels and if I crashed, I would probably die."

• "The semester dragged on like a cat with no legs."

• "Studys show that four out of ten people in the world are independent."

• "He told me the first thing I needed to do was get the Chucke Suit for this eight year old kid's birthday party. I wasn't worried about being in the suit, it was the eight year old kids that caught my eye."

• "From that day forward no one not even a bug could tell me that I was not independent."

• "I sat down nearly falling off the desk and was soon warmly welcomed with a bag of Fritos, yes I was just as confused as you are."

• "I was committed to getting those delicious meats in my belly so I decided to work for that store until I had enough money to buy my groceries."

• "I had to save myself from drowning in the powerful undertown of the former Joe's Crab Shack waterfall."

• "Therfor my mother is a widow, on top of that she;s a deaf-mute."

• "There was no questioning the bulk of the man in question..."

• "I feel good being independent. I have my own freedom I get to do what ever I wont well sometimes." [entire essay]

• "During my childhood life. Mysef began growing up at an old age at rapid speed."

• "Being independent is a way strong trait to have..."

• "The Bronx was not a joke, drive-bys, killings, rapes, and even discrimination."

• "And I made sure that I had the best of the best. I no longer had to ask my parents to take me places. So I gathered my keys, hopped in my new car, and went to Wal-Mart."

• "[on] the fifth day I realized that my... $3000 allowance was quickly drying up."

• "I was a classified independent and was never so proud."

• "They told me I couldn't go because I didn't have a passport and also because they needed a break from me which I couldn't tell if they were serious or not but I'm pretty sure they were."

• "I knew I could fanisize all I wanted, but it was never going to become a reality for me."

• "But I was lucky my mom sent for me. Because right after I leave the civil war started." -2003 Liberia, Monrovia

• "This test is probably the biggest test of all times. I mean bigger than Tiger Woods Cheating on his wife and going to rehab for it."

• "A time I fell independent was when I got pregnet at the age of 17 years old." [pregnet?]

• "Mason and I were hardworking best friends who had three loves in this world. Number one was money, which made the other two possible. Number two was our Honda Civics... Lets just say our number one helps us enhance our number two, and our number two helps us get number three, babes!"

• "Huddled around the starting line, like ants devouring a dead lizard, we all inhaled the smoke from the peelouts."

• "...You are told what to do by people you have never met, and you have no say in what you want to do. It almost feels like an auction for cattle, but you don't get made into0 hamburger."

• "I nodded my heart and excused myself from the table."

• "It would have taken three grown men and a crowbar to get that smile off my face."

• "Now boarding flight 1337 at gate 69!"

• "I was thinking oh my god: what am I going to do if I get loss in the airport or miss my fly."

• "You see, there WAS this guy that I was crazy about, and he was crazy about me, so I thought wrong, big deal! Right?"

• "I knew god had done something in me."

• "...it took my parents three months to notice that I was serious about working and making money, to take bacon home for the family."

• "...nothing was ever wrong with eating spugitie..."

• "I wanted to go over my friends house so I was getting dress so I can leave. I looked like a tomato. I take the keys when out the door. As I was locking the house. I see this silver with chocolate for it was ship like bird close when on land."

• "Tryna" = trying to

• "I could tell my mother and father had been discussing an issue due to the fact the television had been turned off. Which only happens when they do not [sic] feel they need to talk it over."

• "So the next day I turned sixteen, I was filling out so many job applications I felt like my grandma when she won't stop griping about her arthritis."

• After an hour or so I decided to just hit everything with a hammer and try to start it."

• "In a monster voice I heard, "The boy is gone, GWAR!"

• "I had to learn how to cook and fast, T.V. Dinners taste good only for so long."

• "Even then, I could recognize that face adults make when they're trying hard to be patient with children."

• "Delicately advancing from one end to the next on the less than five inch balance beam, I dominated my skills."

• "You have everything you need? Money, clothes, cellphone, pads?" My mother's voice followed me like a lost puppy as I did my last minute preparations."

• "I went into my high school years thinking that it was going to be like middle school only everyone is older and hairy..."

• "Because hija, you are too young to be working, and you are too young to work." He said."

• "..Independence is a quality that is needed through this rough time called life."

• "Being independent, chances are if you can't spell it, you haven't lived it."

• "...the river was running down stream, and the compass I found was pointing west..."

• "...most people are not fortunate to have a job."

• "As soon as the weekly check came in money was no longer an issue nor did it bring more problems, rest in peace Biggie."

• "Independence means to take care of thyself without the need of assistance. Parents do not always do things that bear us beatitude." My parents finally grew trite of my need to nag their ears off."

• "After six dreadful months of hearing , "you're going too fast" or, "you almost ran her over." I was finally able to get my license and drive alone."

• "On march 17, 2009, I found a job working for century 16, the movie theater. My first day maid me nervous, I was so scared to go in and work, finally I stepped into cum..."

Half way through the project I was reassigned to score 4th grade responses to the prompt, "Describe a time you found something." I enjoyed reading these 9 year olds essays much more than the 11th graders. The writing was about the same quality, and these kids were much more creative. I've not transcribed them, but you can read some of my favorites in the attached images.

Click for Full Size

Comments

[Nora]

Love it. I haven't heard most of the high school ones. I'm scoring the Arizona fifth graders right now and have almost nothing good enough to write down. :( Guess they aren't as funny as those crazy Texans.

[quality fake Harry Winston]

You look breathtakingly gorgeous as usual, especially in this dress.-quality fake Harry Winston I found a similar style online but I am not sure whether it will look the same as yours. Can you give me some advice? Thank you very much :)